Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
