So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
