Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
