I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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