If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
