Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
