Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
