If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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