I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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