his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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