Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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