I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
