I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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