It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
