I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
