i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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