he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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