This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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