Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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