i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
