I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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