Ambien. No doubt about it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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