I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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