so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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