I wish life had little blips of pornography
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
