Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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