their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Even my vagina gasped.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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