i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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