Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
