I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
