Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
