there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
