Redeem this text for a blowjob
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
