Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
