Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
