oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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