I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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