just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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