I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
