Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hippo gnu deer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
