i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
