Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
