remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
