You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
