i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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