your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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