I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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