Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
