More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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