Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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