this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
false alarm, still single
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
