that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
