I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
