i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
