I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
