Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
