so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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