I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize