My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
