I want to have your abortion
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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