i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
