If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
