thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
