I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
