She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
