Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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