He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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