i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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