dude i'm inner monologue high
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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