Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
