so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
