At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
